Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
