I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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