Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
