Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
