dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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