I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
