You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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