haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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