Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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