The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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