i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
