dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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