My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
