maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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