Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
