I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
