All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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