All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
