wrigley field is MILF paradise
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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