quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
