Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
