he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
