Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
