great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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