This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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