He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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