Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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