I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize