I need help removing her.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
