Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
