Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
