so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
