you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
