Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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