Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
