Your mouth is God's brothel.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
