Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
