you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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