He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
