How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
