anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
