ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did you just see the Batmobile???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
