She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize