i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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