She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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