That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
