I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
