i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize