I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
