Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
