he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
