Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
