I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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