i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
