Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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