i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize