i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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