Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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