she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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