Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
