I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
