I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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