...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
