dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
