I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
