I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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