I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
