i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
