I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
