how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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