Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
