i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
