dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
