So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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