I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize