You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
please don't ironically join a cult
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