Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
