when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
