we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
