Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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