I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
