just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The Olympian is in my bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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