Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
