My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
