I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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