you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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