Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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