Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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