walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
