Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
