i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
