i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
