just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
