ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
