i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
