After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
